![]() ![]() Is that right?”ĭuring the conversation, show that you are listening by asking questions that focus on how they are feeling. ![]() “From what I’m hearing, you are feeling X. Share your appreciation that they chose to confide in you and let them know that you’ll keep what they shared in complete confidence. It means a lot to me.”Īcknowledge their courage in being vulnerable. Here are some supportive ways to respond to people who share something personal and difficult with you. A hug, a shared meal, an offer to drive a friend to his or her appointment.īut words, too, can be helpful, when they are spoken with thoughtfulness. In Brown’s words, “Rarely can a response make something better what makes something better is connection.” To create that connection, actions can often speak louder than words. 5 types of empathetic responses you can try Despite your advice to “not worry,” they may feel that they themselves can’t succeed, either. Giving stories with negative outcomes isn’t that helpful when comforting others. “I mean, she didn’t pass the course.but that doesn’t mean you won’t. Avoid making judgments and giving advice on what the other person should or should not do-set them (not yourself) as the standard. It’s tempting to give advice, especially when you feel there’s a practical solution that would resolve your friend’s issue.īut sometimes people just want you to listen, or they aren’t ready to take action. Dishing out (unwanted) advice or anecdotes Maybe you tend to ask questions like the above because you’re hoping that what the person is going through has ended.Īlthough these questions can sound innocuous, they can make the person feel like he or she is supposed to be okay now because “enough” time has passed.when this may not be true. “You’re okay, right? I mean, it’s been a month.are you feeling better now?” However well-intentioned, such a response can end up sounding dismissive, as though you don’t care about what the other person is experiencing. When other people share something that you feel isn’t “a big deal,” you may automatically think that they are brooding over things that aren’t worth their time and attempt to give them perspective. However, by starting statements with “at least” or comparing to other people's circumstances, it can actually make the individuals you're comforting feel like they have no right to feel the way they do. Maybe your instinct is to find the silver lining in a challenging circumstance or to compare your friend’s situation with those of people in a worse spot. When someone shares something painful, it’s natural to feel uncomfortable and want to change the topic.īut this type of response can actually make the other person feel hurt and think that you don't really care. Oh yeah, did you watch the game last night?” Here’s what to avoid saying when someone has shared something difficult with you. 5 types of sympathetic responses to avoid I used to think that these terms were interchangeable, until I was introduced, in the English lecture I took in my first term at UBC, to this video on empathy, which drove home the distinction-in less than 3 minutes.Īs researcher Brené Brown points out, whereas “empathy fuels connection, sympathy drives disconnection.” Empathy means feeling with others and taking their perspective-without, as sympathy tends to do, “silver lining” the problem.Īlong with watching Brown’s video, I read articles related to empathy for class (like this one) and learned to change the way I engage in conversations.Īlthough I’m far from being an expert, I see the value of what I learned ( and am still learning) about sympathy and empathy, and about what to say (and not say) to a friend who’s hurting. The Oxford English Dictionary defines sympathy as “feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune” and empathy as the “ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” Differentiating between sympathy and empathy That’s when knowing the difference between sympathetic and empathetic responses can help. To help others feel heard and less alone, we can choose words that validate what they are experiencing, rather than gloss over their feelings. Maybe it’s easier to think about an ex (or someone who's ghosted you) than to forget. Maybe it’s not about the mark, but the heavy toll on self-worth. The thing is: maybe things aren’t okay, and won’t be for a long while. We ask ourselves, “Did I say something.wrong?” The result: a slump, a sniffle, a shoulder sag. ![]() Sometimes, despite our best attempts to provide comforting words, what we say can make the person feel worse instead. ![]() “He’s not that good for you anyway-just, like, move on.” How do you respond when people you care about tell you they’re going through something difficult? ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |